Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
