hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
