She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
