He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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