I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
