Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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