there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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