he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
