Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
