So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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