also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
she smelled like a LAN party
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
