I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
