someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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