Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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