just come out here and I will go home with you...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
