i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize