fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
