So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
