you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
