He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
