My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
