i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
