There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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