No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize