You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
