Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
