im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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