At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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