i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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