He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
