Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My dick has a subreddit
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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