Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
