You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize