ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize