life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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