I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
