What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
