what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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