Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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