My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
