I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just invented taco cereal.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Can I color on your dick again?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
