I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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