its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
