i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
