I feel great
I just peed on a car
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
