i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
