I don't usually arrange sex via text message
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
