Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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