just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
