2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
