Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
