I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
