blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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