That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
