Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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