i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
