i just sent this text using only my big toe
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
