Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i just google imaged poop.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize