I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
