Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
