He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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