There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
