so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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