she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
