Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
