people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
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