Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
