youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
