I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize