It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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