Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
