Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
