i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
