I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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