All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Randomize
