i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
