he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize