I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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