we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize