New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
