I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
