hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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