Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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