my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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