"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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