I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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