The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
