just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize