I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
