The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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