he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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