try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
