Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
