I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
