I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize