I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
