i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize