Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
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