I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize