Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
