How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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