our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
