Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
