so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
we're so committed to being not committed
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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