Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
