wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
